


I Will Love You Until My Hearts Stops Beating

by heart_made_fullmetal



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Hide and Kaneki finally see each other again, Hinami mention, Hints of Touhide, M/M, Reunion, Yamineki, and maybe touken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5714458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heart_made_fullmetal/pseuds/heart_made_fullmetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Black Reaper Kaneki goes to :Re and talks to Touka and Nishiki. He's not that different than normal Kaneki but he has lost that warmth he once had. And then appears Hide~!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Love You Until My Hearts Stops Beating

_“With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me. ”_

* * *

Kaneki had showed up at :Re late one night. Touka and Nishiki were surprised at his sudden arrival but what surprised them was not only the fact that he had regained his memories but also his cold and distant attitude. He greeted them like he normally would and called them by the proper honorifics at the end of their names, Touka-chan and Nishiki-senpai but his voice and eyes lacked any actual warm or affection. He seemed so tired and aloof. Touka welcomed him into :Re and prepared him a cup of coffee, he was quiet the whole time and allowed Touka and Nishiki to finish doing their job until they closed. He never made a noise. Touka and Nishiki were a bit on edge because of these and would glace every now and then in Kaneki’s direction but every time they did he would be taking sips of his coffee and never looking at anything but the black liquid in the Victorian style cup.        

           The cup was decorated in a beautiful flower pattern. It had a nice gold edging and the flowers that decorated it were sunflowers that were tinted with a gold lining against crisp white bone china. The handle was also lined with a gold color that curved at made it look like half a heart. As Kaneki drank, he noticed the green vines extended into the interior of the cup. When he finished his drink there in the center was the head of a sunflower. A small smile began to tug on his lips. Familiar is what he thought to himself. Sunflowers always did remind Kaneki of _him_. He traced his thump along the gold edges of his cup and spun the cups against is gloved hands.

           It wasn’t long before :Re was scheduled to close but Kaneki sat silently, staring at the coffee cup in front of him, lost in thought. Kaneki wondered if Touka gave him that cup for a specific reason but he shook that thought out of his head. There was no way Touka-chan would do that for him, she was never that fond of Hide or his friendship with Kaneki so why would she attempt to comfort him in this way. Kaneki convinced himself it was just a coincidence. He took the cup into his hands again and gently ran his finger on the picture of the sunflower. He shut his eyes, the burned and the sensation caused them to water slightly.

_Hide…_

* * *

Touka and Nishiki were cleaning up before they confronted Kaneki. Touka poured another cup of coffee for Kaneki as well as for herself and Nishiki. No one said a word and the air was tense. Nishik kept a close eye on Kaneki, who eyes were downcast towards the newly refilled cup. Touka took her seat in front of Kaneki while Nishiki decided to stand.

“So it seems you’ve gotten your memories back,” Touka began bluntly, “I told Trashiyama not to get involved with you.” Taking a sip of her coffee at the end of her sentence before speaking again. “It’s obvious you haven’t come here to ask to become a barista again, so why are you here, Kaneki?” The coffee shop, :Re, was here for Kaneki to return to and Touka was ready to welcome Kaneki back when he was ready but the one that was sitting before the ghouls was not the one that was prepared to come back to them. He had a different reason for coming here and Touka wanted to know. After the incident with Tsukiyama Touka would sometimes find herself doubting if Kaneki was on their side or the side of the CCG but she squashed those thoughts and expelled them from her mind.

Kaneki eyes blinked once then twice before he focused them on Touka. There was no smile on either of their faces. Kaneki’s eyes were dulled and he had bags under his eyes, even when wearing those round glasses it was easy to see that his eyes have lost their liveliness. Touka’s eyes were clear and focused. She had grown up so much compared to the days where she was hot-headed and impulsive. She was patient and waited for Kaneki to speak.

“I came here for a request or rather a favor…” His voice was low and heavy. Touka’s body tensed up a bit and she could feel Nishiki do the same as he gripped the top of the chair she sat in. Whatever it was, Kaneki was going to ask for it was something serious and it could put them in danger. She could already read it by his tone, body language, and demeanor. Touka braced herself and the voice in her head argued whether she would help him or not. Ultimately she knew she couldn’t say no to him.

“Hinami is in Coachella…and is scheduled for extermination…”Touka could feel her blood run cold and Nishiki gritted his teeth and the chair. Touka had a feeling what kind of favor Kaneki was gonna ask for and she had to agree. Kaneki would never let Hinami die, he was coming to ask for help and she was going to give it to him. They had to rescue her.

“How the hell did this all happen?!” It was Nishiki’s turn to speak and he was downright angry, he was pissed. “How the hell did Hinami end up there? Was it you?!” Nishiki knew it probably wasn’t Kaneki’s fault but who else could he blame right now besides the Ghoul investigator in front of him.

“She was captured when she tried to protect me from one of Aogiri’s experiments.” He couldn’t look either of them in their eyes, he was too ashamed. But right now he no longer cared if they blamed him, what is important is that they accept this request.

“You want us to help you…break into Coachella?” Touka asked. It was something very dangerous, even suicidal but Touka wonder if she could get help from _him_ then maybe they could get enough people to help orchestrate this.

“No.”

Touka and Nishiki were taken aback by this. Kaneki wasn’t asking for their help? Then what was he here for?

“I…need you to welcome Hinami back and keep her safe here…like before.” There it was. Kaneki wanted :Re to welcome Hinami back and take her away from the life she had in Coachella as well as Aogiri. This is where Hinami belong. She would probably have to live the rest of her life in hiding but as long as she got to live that all that mattered to Kaneki.

“Of course we’re gonna welcome her back!” Nishiki proclaimed. “But what the hell do you mean that you don’t want our help? How are you gonna get her out?”

Those dull gray eyes stared at Nishiki’s as if attempted to send him a telepathic signal.

“No way…” He understood. Good.

“I’ve already made the proper arrangements and already sought help elsewhere.” Kaneki assured them but that did not put them at ease. Just what is Kaneki thinking?

“I don’t want your identities to be revealed and put you all in danger. So please just leave this to me.”

“So you’re doing everything on your own again…” Touka muttered. She was angry but fought to keep that anger at bay. “You never change.”

Kaneki got up, the legs of the chair dragged on the floor making a loud scratching sound. He adjusted his glasses and grabbed his coat. He already got their word that they would accept Hinami, not that he was surprised. This was ultimately just an excuse to see them one last time before everything went down.

“Oi, Kaneki, let’s talk this out!” Nishiki demanded.

“There is nothing to talk about. I’ve made my decision.” Kaneki was in no mood to argue about this either. He was already struggling internally about his choices. He walked to the door, preparing to never see them again. He opened the door only for it to hit someone, knocking them over. Kaneki made no attempts to help or apologize.

           The person on the ground was dressed in all black and was wearing a hoodie that hid his face. Kaneki found it suspicious that someone dressed like that was here at this hour and he prepared himself, he might have to make someone disappear today.

“Owww. Damn. That hurt!” The man whined as he rubbed his nose. “I know you’re mad from last time, Nishiki-senpai, but you didn’t have to hit my face with the door!” He obvious wasn’t looking up or paying attention since he confused Kaneki with Nishiki.

“I’m not-“

The man in the hoodie pulled down the hood and brushed his golden brown hair, making strands stand. Kaneki felt his body shake, his palms sweat under his red leather gloves, a lump form in his throat, and eyes grow hot. The man on the floor finally looked up and Kaneki was met with golden brown eyes and the man was met with steel gray eyes. The man on the floor eyes pricked with beads of water and his lips quivered. Kaneki struggled to maintain his stoic expression.

“Hide…”

“Kaneki…Welcome back.” Hide smiled at him with a big grin, baring all his teeth, the grin reached his eyes that were full of tears. He leaped and embraced Kaneki, hugging him with all the strength he could muster. Kaneki’s hands hovered over Hide’s lower back, shaking his lightly placed them there and pressed his forehead against the human’s shoulder, taking in his scent.

* * *

Kaneki found himself back in the same spot he was in just moments before Hide showed up. Touka poured Hide a cup of coffee, Nishiki had gone home to Kimi at this point, and Hide thanked her energetically. Touka gave him a small smile and walked to the back, leaving the two men alone.

Kaneki couldn’t help but stare at Hide. He looked so different but also the same. He had the same golden hair that would stand on end and the same beautiful golden brown eyes that Kaneki always loved looking at and that smile that he would always flash at him. But he face was more defined and his body looked like it has been harden by labor. Kaneki wondered what Hide was doing here at this hour.

“I bet you’re wondering why I’m here at this hour.” Hide read his mind.

“…”

“Well…haha” Hide laughed and scratched his cheek, “I just came to grab something from Touka-chan.”

“Grab something…?” Kaneki repeated confused.

“Yeah. Nothing that important.” Hide explained in minor detail. He wasn’t planning on going into much detail.

Then a yellow envelope was slapped in the middle of the table they were occupying.

“There you go. Information on Aogiri and their connections as well as their territories that have yet to control. The sources are from reliable ghouls.” Touka informed before she left them alone again.

“Aahaha. Thanks, Touka-chan.” He laugh awkwardly and took a long sip of his drink.

Kaneki stared wide eyed at Hide, mouth gaped. Did he hear right? Hide gather information on Aogiri? What the fuck was Hide doing getting involved with that group? Thought after thought flooded Kaneki’s imagination. He bit down on his lower lip to gain some composure. His eyes that once lacked life was now fueled with something else. Anger? Frustration? Fear? Kaneki guessed it was all three and more.

“What are you doing getting involved with that group?” Kaneki questioned and he will get an answer.

“Well…it’s just a ummm hobby?” Everything about what Hide said was a complete and utter lie and Kaneki wanted to slap himself it was so obvious. Why was Hide like this?

“Don’t worry! I’m not doing anything dangerous!” Hide reassured him.

“Yeah, nothing dangerous” Touka voice was dry and blunt coming all the way from the back. She came around the corner and proceeded to reveal other detailed information Kaneki wanted to know.

“That’s why not too long again he actually be left at a hospital to see an actual doctor because this idiot,” points to Hide, “thinks he’s being heroic for defending someone who is a ghoul.”

“But Kurona-chan is still a kid…”Hide mumbled before taking a sip of coffee.

“You’re still an idiot.” Touka pulled at his cheek

Kaneki didn’t know how to process all of this. Hide knowing about Aogiri, Touka knowing Hide knowing about Aogiri, Hide knowing they are ghouls, Touka letting Hide know they are ghouls. Was he dreaming right now? Or a nightmare?

“I asked you why you’re involved.” The good humor air that once surrounded them was tense again. Kaneki’s tone was angry and alarmed.

A somber smiled formed on Hide’s lips and his sad eyes stared into Kaneki’s equally sad ones.

“I’m sorry…I can’t say…” Hide voice was light and low, if Kaneki’s hearing wasn’t heightened he would have missed what Hide said.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I can’t say much, Kaneki. Please understand…” voice gravelly. He wasn’t looking at Kaneki now.

Kaneki could feel himself shake. Hide was putting himself in danger by researching Aogiri. Hide was getting involved in the ghoul world. Hide was already involved once and now again. Hide was basically committing suicide and…and it was all Kaneki’s fault. Hide would be living a normal, peaceful life if it wasn’t for Kaneki. Hide got involved because of him. Because of their love and devotion for each other. Hide would actually die because of him…But things have changed now and so had Kaneki. Kaneki knew exactly what he had to do to get Hide to stay away. Hide has always done things for Kaneki’s sake. Kaneki wasn’t stupid and he knew just how much Hide sacrificed for him.

Kaneki has always felt selfish. Taking up Hide’s time and love for himself because Hide always made him happy. He knew Hide could do so much if he didn’t have to take care of Kaneki so much. Kaneki just wanted Hide to be with him forever but not anymore. He would throw away that selfishness that kept Hide tied to him and finally release him of this duty. He would have to break these bonds they shared.

“So that’s how it’s going be…just like always…”Kaneki began. Hide could only strain a smile.

“You’ve always held back from speaking out against things…even if they were important. You took advantage of my shy nature and when I was bullied at school…you never told a teacher. I was naïve and thought of you as my voice but you never did anything about it. My mother-my mother hurt me,” Kaneki bit his lower lip, his voiced croaked but quickly regain his composure, “and instead of doing anything about it, you simply turned another cheek. You’re just as much to blame as she was…”

“Oi! Kaneki, how are you just gonna blame-“

“It’s okay, Touka-chan…Let him finish…” Hide’s face was sad. His lips shook and his eyes were shut hard.

“My aunt mistreated and just like with my mother you never spoke out either. I spent 8 years with her and you never told anyone about it. Then you allowed me to turn into a ghoul by letting me go on a date with Rize. I disappeared for months and you never even bothered to look for me-“

“HEY!”

“Touka-chan!” Hide stopped her again.

“And worst of all, you lead me to Arima Kishou that day. All of this…All of this is your fault, Hide.”

Kaneki finally finished. He stared at Hide, waiting for a reaction. Waiting for Hide to get angry and yell at him and hate him. He already prepared himself for it. But his expectations were shattered.

Hide smiled at Kaneki. “I’m glad you could finally be honest with me, buddy.”

Kaneki eyes widen in shock and stood abruptly, knocking over his cup, his chair, and shaking the table. He wanted to leap and knock Hide onto the ground and shake some sense into him. Kaneki just placed all the hardship he has experienced and blamed them on Hide and Hide still smiled at him.

“I don’t want scum like you involved in my life anymore. You only bring destruction with you.” Kaneki warned. “Just leave, I never want to see or hear from you again.” Kaneki grabbed his coat and finally slamming the door that shook the entire store.

“That little-“ Touka muttered in annoyance. She walked over to Hide and placed a hand on his shoulder. She glared at the door Kaneki just exited and look down sympathetically at the young human.

“Hide…He didn’t mean that. I know he didn’t.” She tried to comfort him.

“Haha…” a brittle laugh escaped his throat. “Yeah.”

Long silent tears slid down his pale cheeks one after another. He gripped the hem of his clothing, digging through the fabric and into his skin. Touka smelled blood. His salty tears could not wash away his sadness and guilt. These past couple of years Touka had become attached to the human and her heart ached seeing him like this. Touka learned that even though he was human that Hide was someone who suffered before. They grew close and their love for Kaneki brought them closer, they trusted their vulnerability with each other. Touka cupped Hide’s face and brought it close to her chest. The heartbeat of the ghoul reassured Hide that he had someone there for him at that moment. Hide eyelids grew heavy and more salty tears escaped him. Quiet sobs were heard from every corner of :Re that night.

Hide would never leave Kaneki’s life. Even if Kaneki threaten him. Hide would do anything for him to make up for his cowardice. Until his last breath, Hide was going to make everything right again. Hide had already handed Kaneki his heart all those years ago since when they were kids and Kaneki held it in the palm of his hands even if Kaneki didn’t know it himself. Even if this all ended with Hide losing his life, Hide was determined to give Kaneki the happy ending he deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> No, Kaneki doesnt actually blame Hide. He wants Hide to hate him so Hide can move on with his life and Kaneki decided to do it by blaming Hide for everything and guilting him. Hide knows what Kaneki is doing but cant help but feel like Kaneki is right. Touka is the one to comfort them cause it’s Touka and I would be comforted like that.
> 
> And when Touka thinks about asking for "his" help she's talking about Hide and Floppy haha She is working with Hide and that group too. Hide is gathering info for them too with :Re's help


End file.
